Monday, November 3, 2008

Those undecided voters must be arabs

As someone born and raised in the devil’s anus known as the middle-east, I have cultivated a very special outlook when it comes to politicians: they are all fake, lying, two-faced, soul sucking cash whores (No offense to actual whores intended, of course). It doesn’t help of course that the supreme majority of our elections are rigged, the supreme majority of the political promises that are made are broken and the supreme majority of those elected have no interest, what s ever, in actually representing the people that voted for them. So when you talk to an arab about a political election, it’s actually pretty common to see them saying “what’s the point? Nothing will change”. Double goes for any US election, for that matter.

You see, traditionally arabs are more inclined to vote and identify with republicans: They support traditional family values, no abortion for women, a government that stays out of their business and against the spreading of the gay Virus by any means necessary. This is why the overwhelming majority of arab-americans in 2000, and the majority of arabs in the arab world, supported the candidacy of George W. Bush when he was still running for president, and also, because they didn’t want a Jew “a heartbeat way from the Presidency”. They thought that once Gore was in Power, the Mossad would assassinate him and the new President Lieberman would send US armies to occupy arab and muslim land. So….ehhh… they voted for Bush. Nice going there, arab world.

So it is kind of understandable, that after 8 years of Bush rule, arabs are pretty much confused in regards to who they should support. Their values are still republican in nature, but they also don’t want to vote for the Party of Bush. Arabs needed hope. Someone who will rise to the occasion. Someone who will assuage their anxiety, after 8 years of living in fear that they might wake up and find the statues of their dictators being torn down, and democracy getting offered to them on a silver platter. Someone who won’t make them feel that they might be sent to Gitmo every time they have to go through special screening at passport control. Someone who will show them that he is not an enemy of the arab, muslim and tanned people. And God answered their prayers, and gave them a Black guy with an arab name and a muslim family background, who talked a good game and who told them- well, kind of hinted actually- that he will be at their side, and then to prove it, went to AIPAC and gave the elders of Zion who run it the oratory equivalent of oral sex.

So as you can imagine, it’s hard to be not cynical about the whole thing if you are an arab. Sure, McCain would like to return Iran to a more peaceful stone-like age, but Obama wants to send troops to northern Pakistan- the only muslim country with Nukes and an unstable enough population to use them- and return us all to the stone age. Arabs do have hopes that Obama is just saying that to get elected though. That in reality, if he could do it without America watching, he would give us one of those winks Sarah Palin has become so famous for, as if to tell us “Just kidding arab world. Just kidding! And as for the Israel supporting stuff, I am just saying that now. Just wait till January and we shall see about that.”

And that, in a nutshell, is how arabs are perceiving the two choices. Our only hope , ironically, is in the belief that Obama is lying to get elected, and that he is secretly on our side, because McCain has made it to explicitly clear that he isn’t anywhere near it.

And they say the choice couldn’t be easier. Ahh..decisions, decisions.


Don Cox said...

"they are all fake, lying, two-faced, soul sucking cash whores" _______ This was well known to the people who designed the US constitution. Hence all the checks and balances. Unfortunately the constitutions of "developing" countries are written in the belief that politicians are honest, good and devoted to the welfare of the voters.

Leafless Eve said...

Well ya, as Arabs we're screwed either way... but as an American, Obama winning is really something... he's not only the first black president in the U.S., he's also the first one in the western world... Also, Bush & co. has done so much damage to the image of the U.S. that something like this was inevitable.