Wednesday, September 10, 2008

On Sarah Palin

Everywhere you go in DC, no matter who you meet and who they plan to vote for, everyone is talking about Sarah "Barracuda" Palin, to the point where you start thinking that she might be the nominee instead of Hero, and you start wondering if they actually hope she was.

It's really funny.

The thing is, I am loving this pick for VP, Baby mama drama and teen pregnancy and all. I honestly think its a brilliant short-term strategic move from Hero that almost no one expected. The moment Hero chose her I was like " Now we have a race. About fuckin time!".

The thing is, I am not rooting for Hero over Hope or the other way around. I just like me a good show. The people who saw Barracuda's speech complained about the "reality TV aspect of the american election process" as if it was something new. As if that process did not start with the democratic primaries anyway. As if we weren't watching the ultimate game of political survivor, Race vs. Gender, the halfbreed boy with the "unlikely story of success" and the white woman with the balls and determination to make most men cower, and all secretly rooting for our favorite to win and grace the TV where he gets his prize for being" The Nominee". We were all happy about it, even when Hope was doing speeches on race vowing not to throw his Pastor under the Bus no matter what- cause he is family- and then proceeded to do so like one week later, or when the Hilly Billies would all bitch and moan about "the favorable media coverage" of Hope as if they weren't so full of shit themselves that no amount of favorable media coverage would make them favorable in any way. And now we have Barracuda, all jazzed up, with her Hockey mom jokes and Alaska Moose Hunting guns, joining the race, and suddenly everyone is screaming about the novelty aspect of her nomination.As if Hope's is any different.

And that's the thing behind choosing her, isn't it? I don't think she is the most qualified person Hero would find, nor would I presume to know whether that the bounce she gave him was something permanent or the gimmick of the week, but what I do know is that her pick is one of the most politically cynical moves Hero ever made (almost equal to the democrats decision to have Hope's nomination speech on the 40th anniversary of MLK's speech- talk about a seriously manufactured historic moment), and I have to love him for it. The boy went through the vetting process and came back with a bear trap. It was beautiful.

Let's examine her bear-trap-quality, shall we? The first thing everyone mentions is experience. People were all saying "How could you choose someone with less than 3 years in election national office and almost zero foriegn policy experience?", to which the Hero people responded with "Yeah, really. how could YOU choose someone with less than 3 years in election national office and almost zero foriegn policy experience"? Beautiful, ain't it? And when people try to defend Hope, they find themselves in the double-sided bear trap that Hero set up for them: 1) Hope may have slightly more than 2 years in the senate, but 18 months of them he spent campaigning for President, while Barracuda was doing her job until 2 weeks ago, thus have slightly more experience than our Boy, and 2) The Hope people were actually comparing their pick for Prez with Hero's pick for VP, and thus downgraded the status of their boy. This way the Hero people can always say " Listen, she might not have much experience, but at least we have the common sense of putting the least experienced candidate at the bottom of our ticket, not on top, UNLIKE SOMEONE WE KNOW".

And then you have the conservative factor: Hero may not be much of a believer, but Barracuda is as red-blood conservative as they come, and the real conservatives know it, because they can smell their own. This is why she energized the Base (always thought that sounded dirty- wanna energize my base?) the way she did. Plus, Hockey mom, married to highschool sweetheart for over 20 years who does seem to share the family duties with her the way most feminists dream their hubbies would, likes guns, has a special needs child and a pregnant teenage daughter who is getting married to her boy and keeping the baby. Yeah, please attack that. I am sure women voters would love to see another woman candidate getting smacked down by Hope. And people are wondering why Hero suddenly has a lead in the polls.

I dunno, it's too early to tell, and Barracuda's past may come and bite her now or in 4 weeks, and Hope will probably win anyway, because he is the big black daddy Messiah who will make all your problems go away with the power of his blackness, but for now, we have a race, a real race, for position of commander in chief. Finally, after all those weeks of boredom, we can say one thing for certain: IT'S ON!

Now, go get the popcorn ready. I am guessing this will get far more entertaining before the season finale..ehh, I mean, election night.


Brian H said...

SM, you're posing cynical so hard you may hurt yourself! Relax, man! :)

As to the "halfbreed Hope", if he's a half-breed, it's half Arab. He's actually only 1/16 Negro -- & 7/16 Arab, 8/16 Caucasian. No wonder A-jab the Persian hates him! Oh, wait ...

Bob said...

My wife is trying to manage 2 kids and a part-time job and she is always on the verge of a breakdown. And I'm like a friggin superdad! 5 kids and an ultra important and time consuming career? Somebody is gonna get short changed. Excellent article by the way. You should send it to someone who would pay you for it.

Mo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mo said...

I have a few remarks if I may:

1. 'Hope' has been in the Senate since 2004 (=> 4 years), and before that in the Illinois state senate for at least six. That's just for the record; I am not suggesting that a purely quantitative comparison (i.e. in terms of years) of both candidates' experience holds much validity. It shouldn't.

2. You would have had a point, had McCain and his surrogates not spent the last few months blasting Obama for his alleged lack of experience. If they had not brought this issue up and then picked Palin, one could use the term 'bear trap' instead of the more appropriate 'shot in the foot'.

3. The nature of the presidential nomination differs from that of the vice-president. Obama had to run a national campaign for 18 months to become his party's nominee and he was collectively anointed as such by over 18 million voters. Palin? Well, she neither had to campaign and was chosen by a handful of her party-mates.

So in criticising the VP pick, the Obama side is basically criticising McCain for a choice (we presume) he made, whereas Obama actually deserves a bit more credit for getting to where he is now than Palin does, and any criticism regarding his experience has to be of a different nature and should (mostly) be directed elsewhere.

4. This election is a fucking joke. *reluctantly brings out more popcorn*

Faré said...

It sure is ON!

Now if only we can have the same cool ending - that would mean half of America's worst enemies disappear. Problem being the other half that gets to play with an H bomb.

Whoever wins - we lose. For any we that's not them in a very narrow sense.

acs said...

Huffington Post published an article a few days ago with portions of a speech Palin made at her former church. In that speech, she suggested that an Alaska pipeline plan reflects 'God’s will'.This woman scares me more than the clown in Stephen King's movie 'IT'-which for the record scares the crap out of me.

tintinto said...

its not about experience, its about IQ. Obama 08.

tedders said...

"its not about experience, its about IQ. Obama 08."

Oh really? Ted Kazinsky comes to mind as someone with a high IQ, must be a good leader according to you're criteria.

Lets see, what personality traits can be attributed to Hope, the magic messiah?

High IQ
Superficial charm
Grandiose sense of self-worth
Pathological lying
Cunning / manipulative
Lack of remorse or guilt
Callous / lack of empathy
Failure to accept responsibility for own actions

"its not about experience"

What did Joe Biden say about experience?

"The Presidency isn't a job that lends itself to on the job training."

Joanne said...

Todd Palin is taking care of the kids, and there is really only the small girl and the baby that will be time-consuming - the boy is off to Iraq, and the other two older girls can do a lot of things for themselves. Teenage girls have a life that usually doesn't involve the parents as much as the parents would like anyhow, so they should all be just fine. Things might get a little hairy when the older girl gives birth, but she is probably a natural anyhow with the experience she already has helping out with her younger siblings.

Most women can handle anything if they have a housekeeper and a cook, which will probably be the case if Sarah Palin becomes VP.

Chance said...

God Damn! You are one hard core hater. Although your IQ is probably very high, your arguments seem simple minded. --> --> you

There is no "Hope" for America because the true government thinks you have the RIGHT ideas...