Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The West's Toilet Tragedy

There are many contentious issues which I have wondered about and tried to understand concerning the West and Western civilization. Issues such as the meaning of modernity, the post-modern condition, the historical meaning of the current moment and the modus operandi of the modern nation state, and how its power structures produce the discursive narratives that shape our world. And if you catch me in the right state of mind and among the right company, I'll have something to say about each of these issues which doesn't betray a complete lack of understanding.

And yet there is one mystery I have never been able to solve about the West: the conspicious absence of the "shattaf."

For those of you sadly unfamiliar with the concept, the Shattaf is a little water spout that goes in your toilet for, um, post execretion sanitary purposes. Basically its there for the hygenic happiness of your rear end.

Now, why, why, why in the name of the Renaissance and the Enlightenment and the modern industrial revolution, in the name of capitalism and consumerism and cleanliness and the toilet making industry has the West not yet found the Shattaf? This question continues to baffle me, and all I can come up with is that it is a tragic historical fluke of some kind, where maybe someone just didn't get the Shattaf memo. It's sad. It's a sad sad sad thing. Forget about off shore drilling,financial meltdowns and abortion the American people are good, hard working people. They deserve to have Shattafs in their toilets. It is not too much to ask.

10 comments:

Miral said...

AMEN AMEN AMEN...

The same thing really does baffle me as it does you and every other citizen of any shattaf-using civilization... All the modernity, technology, and development that has blessed this hygienically-obsessed nation, where signs are put up in museum bathrooms telling tourists to wash their hands, and still it hasn't occurred to any of the engineers who built the empire state building or the statue of liberty to 'engineer' something that would help people wash their butts? truly baffling

a.d said...

iam totaly with u
eh2 eh2 eh2

Carmen said...

HA HA HA!!! I just bought one from an Egyptian deli in Queens and made my husband install it in our toilet. He thought I was certifiably insane for requesting such an odd contraption but has since discovered its usefulness!!

Worthy Oriental Gentleman said...

The shattaf is very often befouled with souvenirs from the previous user. I love my brother humans, but there are some things I do not wish to share with them.

zeinab said...

actually the modern shattaf does not stick out of the toilet, but fits seamlessly into the body of the toilet and so does not collect any of those unwanted souvenirs.

but thats enough talk
of that.

An Egyptian said...

a Lithuanian girl told me we are sick to use that shattaf!!!!!!!

Shattaf is the best of what Egyptian technology made :)

RocketRay said...

Sounds like a bidet.

Too French for us. ;)

Michalea said...

After my second visit to Egypt, I bought a biffy seconds after getting off the plane. (Well, the next day, actually)
http://www.biffy.com/

Kafir said...

Have you used our toilet paper? American industrial might has been focused on producing paper that cleans you up and leaves you feeling dry and as fresh as a day in Spring.
:-)

Miral said...

toilette paper is not enough... if you're used to 'clean up' with water, the dry toilette paper will never be enough hygienically speaking. Spread the biffy! Amen!